March...

...was the busiest month I've had in a long time and I completely loved it.

I worked Monday-Saturday and Sundays were filled with so much that I hardly rested.

It was a month of hard work, new friends, challenges, and growth.

For the entire month, I was so busy at work that I completely forgot about myself (which is good and bad.) I was taking care of others so much that I didn't think about what this past year has thrown at me and I won't lie, it was really nice. I didn't blog, read my infertility books, or take my medicine (sorry mom!) It was 4 weeks of no doctors, questions, or guilt.

There are so many new people at work and it was nice to just be "Courtney" and not "oh gosh, she's had a rough infertile, weight gaining, basket case of a year." I liked ugly crying about wigs and not because I have no clue why God has chosen me for this journey.

 I've made the choice to be outspoken about what's going on and to raise awareness about PCOS but, for just a few weeks, it was just fun to take Instagram selfies and listen to music at work rather than medical seminars on woman's health.

 

 Now that March has come and gone, I find myself so sad. Sad because reality hit me yesterday that I let a month go by without taking care of myself. It was another month where my body didn't do what it's supposed to yet, I was so distracted that I didn't get medication. It just makes me so upset with myself because I've been working so hard and I feel as if I have gone back to the beginning.

 

and when I have been praying, I have heard nothing.

 

 

Tonight, I read a quote that said:

 

"When you are going through something hard and wonder where God is,

remember the teacher is always quite during a test."

 

 

 I love this because even though I don't hear or feel God right now, I know he is there.

I am still Courtney.
I am also "oh gosh, she's had a rough infertile, weight gaining, basket case of a year." and that's okay. I have to work on not letting PCOS overtake my identity anymore.
 It will always be apart of who I am. I just need to find the balance.

 

 

 

I so wish (as usual) that I could end with the most amazing piece of advise or encouragement but all I have is this, even when our hearts and minds are jumbled, sad, questioning, or just stagnant, God is still there with his everlasting, unending beautiful love. We don't have to be or do anything, he is always there.

 

 

xo, Courtney Beth