August 7th 2012 was our 1 year anniversary and what an incredible first year we had! Of course life always has troubles but, I remember nothing bad about our newlywed lives. We worked completely different schedules but found every moment to see each other, write letters, and spent every Sunday together! We love to travel and had fun weekends in Kansas City, St. Louis, and exploring our home of Branson as well. Life together was just fun, safe, encouraging, and filled with so much love. Oh for the rest of my life until I am old and gray, I pray that I remember that beautiful first year!
Seth had planned the most fun one year anniversary day for us and it was all a surprise to me! It started out the day before getting the most beautiful arrangement of flowers, filled with my favorite, Daisy's (the happiest flower!), roses, and lilies. They were lovely shades of pinks, yellows, and white and filled the room with an incredible fragrance! Flowers are probably my favorite thing to give and receive because they are such an amazing creation that should be shared! The fact that my sweet husband remembered how much I loved flowers and on top of that, DAISY'S...that was enough for me! Seth is such a thoughtful man and the flowers was not where he stopped. That evening, we ate at The Keeter Center (at College of the Ozarks) which is where we celebrated 6 months of dating-so romantic! I have never felt more beautiful, not because of what I was wearing but because I sat next to a Godly man that loved me and chose me. How could I ever dream of a more perfect 1 year anniversary than knowing that I was holding hands with the man that I was created for and that I would keep choosing even if this first year was not as pretty of a picture! That was a very romantic night but, Seth is the romantic and I am just...me, so that is why there was a day 2 of this celebration! I woke up that next day (our actually anniversary day) not having a clue what was in store for me. I was so giddy though because I knew that Seth had his cute little half smile, squinty eyed, head bob going on which only happens when he is extremely happy or has a surprise! We put on our I love my husband/I love my wife shirts and off we went! Every plan that Seth had was to recreate something we did on our honeymoon or our St. Louis trip after- which included, zip lining, the zoo, cave exploring, shopping, a picnic in the exact place we said "I do", and an outdoor projector screen viewing of our wedding video while we ate our year old cake! Our love is romantic, fun, spontaneous, over-the-top, Godly, and magical just like this day was.
This is also the day that truly changed everything. In the midst of the fun and happiness, I found myself being very confused throughout it. This is the day we met our "CAVE PROPHET." I cannot tell you exactly what he said because he sent me inside while he talked to Seth but, this is close:
Tour Guide: "Excuse me sir, this may sound strange but, is your wife pregnant?"
Seth: "Um no sir, she definitely is not.........why?"
Tour guide: "Well, when I looked at the two of you on the tram, God just spoke to me to tell you that you will be blessed with a baby"
What My mind translated this to is: "Your wife is pregnant right now."
We hadn't really talked seriously about having children because we hadn't been married long however, we knew we wanted them. Especially after our sweet niece Lola Belle was born and come on, with Seth's eyes and my dimples...our baby will be a cutie! We laughed it off and gave him his nickname and told some friends and family how funny that was but really, in my mind I was just confused and weirded out. The negative came the day after which surprisingly broke my heart, I had not wanted a positive and we definitely hadn't talked about it but it still made me very sad.
Now over a year later has past and dozens of negatives have shown and I have still be so confused about why he would say that. Clearly it wasn't true.
After my ultrasounds came back confirming that I do have PCO with 25+ cysts on each side, my blood work also came. My blood work showed quite the opposite with everything coming back in normal ranges-even the PCO scan. I asked my Dr what this means and she said "I'm sorry, but I don't know. There is no reason for this to be happening." I am thankful that my blood work shows that I am healthy. There are a few imbalances but, there is no threat of anything else. I almost wish that there was something that came up so wrong that way there would be an answer to the problems. Why after 22 years of life, this randomly happens with no cause.
This past week, I have been so upset with that man who put these thoughts in my head of being a momma when clearly that wasn't the case.
Well, a couple of days ago, a friend came to me saying he had a dream about me. I laughed it off because I was so busy and I thought he was just being silly. He came back to me a day or two later to tell me about his dream, he really did have one. He wanted me to know that he was in no way prophesying but wanted to share. He said that we were in a room with some other people when a nurse walked in and said "Courtney, you're pregnant" and then we all started crying happy tears and his old football teammate was even there happy to hear the news. haha!
We had a good talk about the dream, the "Cave Prophet", and in that moment it hit me "he never said when! " The "cave prophet" never said "I was..." or "You will be in __ months..." he also didn't say "you will carry your own child" what he said was "you will be blessed with a baby" that's it. My friends dream was the most encouraging thing because I feel like God was using him to remind me that those words are true. I will be a momma...in his time. (thank you, friend for sharing with me)
Am I still having a few side affects? yes. Do I still have fear? yes. Am I thankful everyday? no. But, I am grasping everyday the love and power that God has for me. I will have to daily choose to be grateful. Grateful for my excellent blood work. Grateful for the roller coaster year it has been. Grateful that I will be used to glorify him. I am choosing everyday to rejoice even when I fail, I will rejoice that I am alive enough to fail. My friend helped me realize that I am not forgotten. I am loved even when I am sick. I am cherished even when I doubt. I am thankful for that man at the cave-he will forever be apart of my story. It would be so easy for me to fall into a very dark place and I feel like at times, I am standing on the ledge of the darkness.
I will overcome Satan's lies, I will love my life, and I will be fearless no matter what comes my way.
I am so thankful for Seth and I know that life wouldn't be as special without him! I loved that first year of marriage, so happy and free but, I am starting to think that I love now even more, because holding hands through the hard times is what brings the good in everyday.
xo, Courtney
What My mind translated this to is: "Your wife is pregnant right now."
We hadn't really talked seriously about having children because we hadn't been married long however, we knew we wanted them. Especially after our sweet niece Lola Belle was born and come on, with Seth's eyes and my dimples...our baby will be a cutie! We laughed it off and gave him his nickname and told some friends and family how funny that was but really, in my mind I was just confused and weirded out. The negative came the day after which surprisingly broke my heart, I had not wanted a positive and we definitely hadn't talked about it but it still made me very sad.
Now over a year later has past and dozens of negatives have shown and I have still be so confused about why he would say that. Clearly it wasn't true.
After my ultrasounds came back confirming that I do have PCO with 25+ cysts on each side, my blood work also came. My blood work showed quite the opposite with everything coming back in normal ranges-even the PCO scan. I asked my Dr what this means and she said "I'm sorry, but I don't know. There is no reason for this to be happening." I am thankful that my blood work shows that I am healthy. There are a few imbalances but, there is no threat of anything else. I almost wish that there was something that came up so wrong that way there would be an answer to the problems. Why after 22 years of life, this randomly happens with no cause.
This past week, I have been so upset with that man who put these thoughts in my head of being a momma when clearly that wasn't the case.
Well, a couple of days ago, a friend came to me saying he had a dream about me. I laughed it off because I was so busy and I thought he was just being silly. He came back to me a day or two later to tell me about his dream, he really did have one. He wanted me to know that he was in no way prophesying but wanted to share. He said that we were in a room with some other people when a nurse walked in and said "Courtney, you're pregnant" and then we all started crying happy tears and his old football teammate was even there happy to hear the news. haha!
We had a good talk about the dream, the "Cave Prophet", and in that moment it hit me "he never said when! " The "cave prophet" never said "I was..." or "You will be in __ months..." he also didn't say "you will carry your own child" what he said was "you will be blessed with a baby" that's it. My friends dream was the most encouraging thing because I feel like God was using him to remind me that those words are true. I will be a momma...in his time. (thank you, friend for sharing with me)
Am I still having a few side affects? yes. Do I still have fear? yes. Am I thankful everyday? no. But, I am grasping everyday the love and power that God has for me. I will have to daily choose to be grateful. Grateful for my excellent blood work. Grateful for the roller coaster year it has been. Grateful that I will be used to glorify him. I am choosing everyday to rejoice even when I fail, I will rejoice that I am alive enough to fail. My friend helped me realize that I am not forgotten. I am loved even when I am sick. I am cherished even when I doubt. I am thankful for that man at the cave-he will forever be apart of my story. It would be so easy for me to fall into a very dark place and I feel like at times, I am standing on the ledge of the darkness.
I will overcome Satan's lies, I will love my life, and I will be fearless no matter what comes my way.
I am so thankful for Seth and I know that life wouldn't be as special without him! I loved that first year of marriage, so happy and free but, I am starting to think that I love now even more, because holding hands through the hard times is what brings the good in everyday.
xo, Courtney
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