Project: I hate PCOS.

I really do.

At this point I am kind of like "okay, God...thanks for the lesson but, I'm good, let's go back to normal again." I think I have had a serious case of denial thinking that if I pray and open up about what has been going on in my life that it would just go away. I trusted so much in God's "amazing" plan for my life that I forgot to realize that maybe his amazing plan really isn't what I dream it to be. Maybe it is going to be really hard for years, maybe I will never deliver my own child, maybe I will cry everyday for the rest of my life. Maybe, just maybe the amazing plan for my life is a long sad road to finding God's peace throughout this hard road of infertility.  

 

I honestly don't think I ever wanted to come to terms with the fact that I probably will not get my way, the easy way. As a youth minister's daughter, growing up in church it is hard for me to admit that I'm just tired of this journey I have been given and would happily hand in my faithful Christian card and let everything happily happen the way I want it to. But, then again, I've never been taught that life happens that way...it would just be nice.

 

 I have drowned my tears with cookie dough, hidden my sadness with pizza, replaced my vitamins with chocolate, and shopped away my fears. Exercise-what is that? Sleep-who needs it? Quiet time, devotional, hobbies, and stress free living are all a thing of the past.

 

 

So, here is the deal...things are going to change around here.

I do trust that God is taking care of me and really does have that perfect plan with this journey but, how can I expect him to do everything while I just sit around. I have to get my body, mind, and heart prepared for whatever my future holds. My doctor told me that I needed to ideally lose 40 pounds, lower my blood pressure, get more sleep, and take all of my medicine-daily. I don't want to call this my new years resolution because, by about January 5th, I have already gotten off track. This is...

 

 

 

Wow, that seems like a lot but, I have to keep telling myself that it is really quite basic. I just have to love me enough, trust God enough, and prepare for whatever the future may hold. If I were to get pregnant now, I am most definitely not in the best shape or health for it. If I were to go another year without any progress, mentally, I can't handle it. So, I raise up a glass of water and toast to, not just a year but a lifetime of healthier choices, physically, mentally, spiritually, financially, and emotionally. I don't want infertility to overtake who I am but rather be a beautifully sad part of me.

 

I cannot promise that I won't break down and cry occasionally (or everyday), I will probably keep on pinning to my secret baby board on Pinterest, and I'll most likely talk about ovaries and my cycle more open than people would like. It is going to take time but, I am committing that I will make these changes to reduce and/or eliminate PCOS pain, depression, fear, frivolous spending (I like to buy gifts for sweet friends and family), and insecurities.

 

 

xo, Courtney Beth

 

 

 

For added awesomeness, here are some photos, recipes, and a few of my health changes:

 

 

 

My insanely handsome Seth and I at Christmas. Let's just be real, we would make cute babies!

Uhm wow, my new bottle of Metformin scared me just a bit!

I am thankful the bottle is larger and not the actual pill size!

 

 

Roast Red Pepper Chickpea Spread (basically Hummus):

 

6oz. jar of Roasted red pepper in olive oil

2 cans of Chickpeas

3 tablespoons of lemon juice

2 teaspoons of pepper

2 teaspoons of salt

1/4 cup of olive oil

 

Put red pepper, chickpeas, lemon juice, pepper, and salt in a food processor and blend until creamy and then pour in olive oil. Blend until desired creamy perfection and enjoy with veggies or crackers!



 

 

 

Sun dried Tomato, Ham, and Spinach Egg Muffins:

 

12 eggs (whole or just egg white)

1 cup of Sun dried Tomatoes

1 cup of Diced Ham

1 cup of Spinach

3 Tablespoons Pepper

3 Tablespoons Salt

 

Set your oven to 350'.

Mix your eggs into a large bowl or large measuring cup with salt and pepper until blended nicely.

Spray your muffin tin with olive oil (or any desired cooking spray)

Pour eggs into muffin tin about halfway up (if you overflow, you will be messy, like me!)

Then add your sun dried tomatoes, ham, and spinach to each muffin.

Baked muffins for 15 min.

 **additional time may be needed

 

Put in containers or bags to enjoy all week long for a quick, easy, and healthy breakfast!!

 

Here is a look at my lunch this week! 

 

 

Started the new year with sore legs and calories burned! Now, I must do this daily!!

 

 

 Had healthy options at a get together! Thankful for like-minded friends!!