Dear Thursday,
You are the day of my Infertility Specialist appointment and my emotions about you are actually quite unexplainable and I cannot even fully understand them because I have yet to go through it all. Yesterday, I received a message and this beautiful woman honestly admitted that her first thought when reading my story was "Oh Lord, please don't let this happen to me!" At first, when I read this, I was very hurt but then I remembered (and was reminded by my dad, mostly) that I wanted honesty and I would have thought the same thing if it were not me writing the story but, reading it. To be real, I still think that every day. "Oh Lord, please don't let this happen to me" but what I need to change my thoughts to, is "Oh Lord, I feel you with me!" When I change my thoughts, all of my guilt will fade and hope will overflow in my thoughts and heart rather than fear and doubt. We received in the mail all of the paperwork for you, Thursday. Questions that remind me, "HEY EVERYBODY, I CAN'T HAVE KIDS!!" Oh, Thursday, why are you doing this to me, why are you taunting me with unknowns and hitting me with fear. I am scared of you, very scared actually. I am so scared to truly start this journey, to find out answers, and to have to be very vulnerable. Thursday, you are so very inconvenient, expensive, and stressful! When I think about you, Thursday, I get very anxious, overwhelmed, and almost bitter about my journey. I know you do not mean to parade around being so far away and coming too quickly, pretending to be a beautiful "one show Thursday" where a lot of my friends will be excited to have more time to enjoy you while I sit here and fear you! Thursday, You will not defeat me any longer. I will no longer allow myself to be held captive to your beautifully scary truths that will be revealed. I promise that no matter what you have in store for me, I will accept it and conquer it.
Do you not realize WHO is on my side! Do you not remember that I am an OVERCOMER! I am FEARLESS, I am LOVED, I am WORTH it, I am STRONG, and I am NOT ALONE!
Thursday, it's not me...it's you. I'm sorry but, it's over.
xo, Courtney
Do not fear bad news; confidently trust the Lord to care for you. Psalm 112:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
ReplyDelete2 Timothy 1:7
Continue walking in faith! God will not abandon you, just as He did not abandon Joseph through all his pain and difficulties. God asked a lot of Joseph, and in the end, because Joseph did not grow bitter or angry with his circumstances, God used him to save a nation! We are standing in prayer along side you!
You will be totally amazing! Praying for you and will be thinking of you on Thursday!!! You are so strong and we are here lifting y in up when you feel like it can't :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you and will be thinking about you all day Thursday. I wish you didn't have to go through this, but I know God has a reason. Whatever that reason may be, you will be a stronger woman, wife, and mother. I love you!
ReplyDeleteHey Courtney! My dear friend Angela Murphree sent me your blog. We walked the path of infertility and let me offer you encouragement...I wouldn't change a single minute of the path. Not a single minute. Our daughter came with our 3rd round of IVF and then, when medicine said it would never happen, our son was a natural pregnancy. My Father changed my entire life through infertility. You seem to have so much wonderful support and love! What a blessing! I will be praying for you along this journey. Count it all joy!
ReplyDeleteThank y'all so much! Your prayers, encouragment, and own personal journey's are very precious to me!!
ReplyDeleteYou are a blessing. After reading this, I understand things about myself that I have never understood before. I also have drown myself with eating to fill that hurt that I have in my life that I thought I have no control over. Thanks Courtney, now I know that thru our savior that I too can have control of my life once again. I will be praying for you, I know that God is in control.... Thanks
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